What motivated me

Since my junior year in high school I've thought constantly about wanting to loose weight and how much easier, theoretically, shopping would be at a smaller size. I've eaten at what I thought was healthy and then when starting college I just kind of lost it with fast food everywhere and so much easier to obtain than cooking a meal at home. So I gained weight... a lot of weight. Graduating high school I was maybe 210... maybe! Right now I'm a good 258.4 and that's after loosing 22 lbs and gaining seven back, making my current loss at 15 lbs.

What made that decision to first loose those 22 lbs, the most weight I've lost, while also being the heaviest I've ever been? This photo:

I'm the one in the black... obviously. I had seen what I looked like, the roundness of my face, and I saw my front and my side in the mirror or pictures. But those pictures I know exactly how to move myself and use my clothing to hide what I want, when I want. So this picture which showed a side of me I DON'T see regularly, and stuck in time forever for me to stare at... oh it was unpleasant. It was taken in love, at Christmas to show us opening "Santa's gift" which as MONEY! :). But I almost take up the space of my sister and my husband. I don't know that I've ever seen my weight from the back. It's almost like there's nothing else to look at; no design on the shirt, just the size of the shirt. 

Anyways. I got these photos from my mom and was looking through them as to which I would put in my scrapbook. I stumble upon this one, and stopped. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared. All the other pictures weren't flattering seeing as I was at my heaviest and decided to chop, and I mean chop, my hair off exposing all the extra weight I put on. So my cheeks were chubby and whatever. Okay, I can chuck that up to the hair style. But that backside is just unflattering for the simple fact I'm morbidly obese and severely unhealthy. I was going down a road and I knew that I had to do something. 

Shortly after I started WW... again. People say this and others might think WW doesn't work. That's not the case. Weight Watchers works!! It's me who doesn't. For a healthy life style, which WW promotes, you have to work at it. You have to choose to eat right and move your rear. Being at the weight I was I didn't have to workout. I simply cut back what I ate to my points value. More about these point values, they are calculated by fancy numbers using the Fat, the Carbs, the Fiber, and the Protein to come up with a distinct number each food is worth. Then you track that food. The worse it is for you, the more points it is. You are given a daily number of points to consume by how active you are, your gender, your height, and your weight. Of all the research I've done this is the healthiest and most rounded plan I've seen. It teaches you to be healthy, but it won't work, if you're not willing to work. 

This time around I lost 22 lbs. That's huge! I had not only ever lost that much but stuck to it for that kind of time. Each time I start WW again I tend to pick up another healthy habit that I try to incorporate. That works for a little while but if you saw my weight loss chart (ww has this too to see what you've done with a visual aide) you'd see that if I don't keep up with my points and know what I'm eat I start gaining nearly immediately. Those are the times I've gotten off WW. But I keep coming back to try and work again, to try and commit to this healthy life style. Since that last go I gained back something like 7 lbs. Now I've started back two weeks ago and have since then lost an additional 2 lbs. Not too bad, but not fantastic. I'm changing the way I live and that's probably more important than the weight anyways. 

In speaking of that, the other day my husband and I were talking and I said, "Honey, you know being healthy is going to be EX-PEN-SIVE?" He replied, "Yeah, so is diabetes." We both know that I am very much prone to diabetes seeing as two grandmothers and my dad have it and my weight doesn't keep me too far off, so that response really hit me. Hard. He was absolutely right, and he had the right way to think about it. He's such a supporter of me in general I don't think I would be as strong as I am in my weight loss journey if it weren't for him and his support. 

That is my turning point. I might've turned back mid way through but I found my standing again. You will find what triggers your journey through weight loss. You won't find it in my blog or in any other blog on this contraption... You'll find it when you're ready to start moving, taking control, and loosing weight. It's about you, no one else can lead you to it. I hate to burst that bubble that says you'll find motivation in this blog, or the next, but it's true you won't. Your ultimate motivation has to be you. It has to be something you come to. 

I trust you'll find your motivation, as long as you don't stop looking. But look at yourself and not others to find it. You know where to look, you hide from it all the time so you don't have to face the truth. First step? go there first. Go to where you hide either from photos, outings (you don't want others to see you eat), your hidden snacks, whatever it is you hide and confront it. Take your fears head on. The only way you will fail at weight loss is by not doing ANYTHING about it. You can stay the same weight for weeks, if not months, but if you're eating better and moving your body will kick in, it's just a matter of time.